Sunday, July 18, 2004

Back to work

Am due to go back to work tomorrow morning after having a frightening car wreck on Friday evening. Thankfully, because of a car shortage (the car I was using, technically my brother's car, is not drivable & most probably was totaled) I'll be driven to & from work tomorrow by family members. In some ways it's a little irritating 'coz it means I have to stay at work for an hour or so longer than I'd normally do (at 4pm) so my brother can come get me once he gets off work (at 5pm). In other ways, 'tho, it's a blessing 'coz I still feel really afraid about driving.

I'll try to post pictures of the car at some point in the near future. One of the things I'm struggling with is nightmares since the accident, as well as a pattern of thought which keeps reflecting on what would have happened if I'd been on the interstate going 70-80mph. I know I need to focus on how God kept me safe through this trauma, but I guess I'm being somewhat faithless and allowing fears to build up inside me. I know Satan gets the victory if I'm not able to overcome these fears, so am praying desperately for strength & grace to get through these coming days. As the Word says, "For God has not given us a spirit of cowardice, but of power, and of love, and of wise discretion." 2Tim 1:7 (Darby version)

One of the things I find interesting about my "terrible" day on Friday was I left the house that morning feeling a deep sense of loss because I'd meant to read the scriptures as a sort of quiet time prior to going into work. I got busy, tho', so I didn't take the necessary time to do this. I don't think I've ever felt such a strong need for seeking refuge in God's word as I did that morning, yet because I was running late, I chose not to do what my soul was crying out for. I remember thinking, as I was listening to 89.3 (a local Christian station which uses the Moody format), that since I was making a point of listening to Max MacLain read a passage from Revelation in the car on the way to work, perhaps this could count as my 'quiet time'.

Please don't get me wrong. I don't believe I had such a bad day 'coz I didn't read my Bible (I don't think God is vindictive)! I just believe the Holy Spirit was trying to impress on my heart that this would be a day when I really needed the meat of the Word. This thought kept recurring through every bad thing that happened, each time I banged my arms & hands, burned myself, messed up, etc. Yet God is faithful to save, as scripture says and He kept me from severe injury through His angelic care. I guess I wouldn't have had so much fear after the accident if I'd had the comfort of reading the Bible (the ultimate "Comfort Food for the soul").

However, I can still say, with my whole heart, "Praise God from Whom all blessings flow."

1 comment:

steph said...

I hope your day back at work was peacefull, productive and that fear will not have a grip on you. Fear is paralyzing and legality produces a lot of it in our lives. But Jesus says He comes to set us free, and King David wrote about being delivered from his fears.

You are in the grip of the true Freedom Fighter for your heart and soul.

I am not sure that "accidents" are so much as God out to get our attention but rather the battle of the enemy for our soul and the fact that our Deliverer will never stop His relentless pursuit of us, of our heart and to be the Restorer of Joy in it all.

Bless you fellow pilgrim! Have a great week with the Director of Overcomers!