Friday, July 30, 2004
Engagements
A friend of mine, someone who was especially dear to me when I was growing up, is engaged to be married later this year. I'm not as close to my friend as I once was 'coz we've grown apart (we both left the fellowship we grew up in and he moved across the country). Yet I long for him to have a happy and loving (knowing him as I do, I know he will never lack in loving the person he marries) relationship with his soon to be wife. They are in my prayers daily.
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Chinie, chin, chin!
Chinie, chin, chin
Originally uploaded by do2dew.
This is another favorite of mine, 'coz it's just so doggone cute! I can see her thinking, "Hmm, my chin is smooth, his is so bristly, but it's nice & comforting." She'll usually stroke Steve's beard or Michele's hair prior to falling asleep. What a quirky kid!
Photo taken by my brother, Jeff.My beautiful niece, Brinley
I love this photo 'coz her hair just jumps out at you & she has such a sweet, quizzical look on her face. One of the neat things about Brinley is when she's not upset & crying she has the sweetest, softest little voice. (Watch out when she's mad, though, 'coz then it turns into a foghorn!)
Photo taken by Steve & MicheleKeegan the coolest!
| This is my cool nephew, Keegan! Doesn't he look so smart & funny! He's got a wicked sense of humor of which I'm often at the brunt-end. |  IMG_0057 Originally uploaded by ragamuffin. |
Photo taken by Steve & Michele
Steve & Michele & family
One of my favorite pictures of Steve & Michele with Keegan, Brinley & Tristan taken last Easter (2003). Cohen wasn't yet "in the picture".
Taken by my brother, Jeff
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Fire in my hometown
Last Friday night we had a major fire in our hometown (see my niece, Josie's, blog "http://willingwanderer.blogspot.com/" for photos taken by my nephew, Benjamin). One person was injured from severe smoke-inhalation 'coz he was unwilling to leave the only home he knew; the FD had to break down his door to get to him. The fire also caused another 25 or so elderly veterans to be homeless.
Just heard this am that the only person injured in the fire was taken off life support since he is believed to be brain-dead. In some ways it's a blessing since he didn't want to live, but I've been praying intensely that he came to know the Lord prior to his death. I'm not sure what his spiritual state was but I know he was always anxious to hear my nephews & nieces when they'd come to sing hymns of a Sunday. He passed away on Tuesday.
Just heard this am that the only person injured in the fire was taken off life support since he is believed to be brain-dead. In some ways it's a blessing since he didn't want to live, but I've been praying intensely that he came to know the Lord prior to his death. I'm not sure what his spiritual state was but I know he was always anxious to hear my nephews & nieces when they'd come to sing hymns of a Sunday. He passed away on Tuesday.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Elsie & me
| This is one of my favorite photos. Elsie & I doing one of the things she loves best--> reading a book. Of course the thing she loves most of all is getting her hands into my "magic candy drawer"! (Being a good nurse, I (& her mom & dad) try to limit candy to a once a week thing.) |  Me & Elsie Originally uploaded by ragamuffin. |
Huggin' cousins
A great photo of Tristan & Elsie giving each other a hug! Taken a year ago or so by my brother, Jeff.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Happy Birthday, Michaela Joy
My friends, Bruce and Cathy, just had their first baby ten days early on July 17. Her name is Michaela Joy and tho' Cathy went through 27 hours of difficult labor, they are so happy she's here.
Before moving to Wheaton from the West Coast, Bruce lived a portion of his adult life in the homosexual lifestyle. After going through a program for Christians wanting to leave this life, he moved to Wheaton. He spent several years on his own, but then Bruce met Cathy through the singles group and through programs they were both involved in to help people in need at the church I used to go to when I lived in Wheaton. He is now attending Wheaton Bible College in the psychology program and is using his personal experience in overcoming this sorrowful way of life to reach out to those in need. I admire his courage more than I can ever say.
Cathy was born to a missionary family in Ecuador and is deeply involved in short-term missions to that country. She is a nurse and teaches at an area hospital, as well as works in that profession. She has been a great example to me of what I'd like to be as a nurse. She is one of the dearest and sweetest people I know. Both she and Bruce had reached a point in their lives where they were convinced they weren't ever going to marry, 'coz they were in their thirties without any hint of meeting and falling in love with another believer. Yet, God in His infinite wisdom, brought them together just as they'd both reached this conclusion and both were content with it. (Who says our Lord doesn't have a sense of humor?)
They were (and are) two of my dearest friends both before and since their marriage and each has shown me exquisite kindness (really, I'm convinced, the kindness of God's own heart) during times when I was lost, alone and afraid. Cathy gave up her own bed for me to sleep in for several days when I had no-where else to go a few years ago, while Bruce was always there with a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I am so thankful they have found such happiness! Daily they are an example to me of God's wondrous grace in their joy and faithfulness and at overcoming so much. I praise my Father at choosing to bless them both in so many ways but most especially with this longed for child! Please, keep them in your prayers.
Before moving to Wheaton from the West Coast, Bruce lived a portion of his adult life in the homosexual lifestyle. After going through a program for Christians wanting to leave this life, he moved to Wheaton. He spent several years on his own, but then Bruce met Cathy through the singles group and through programs they were both involved in to help people in need at the church I used to go to when I lived in Wheaton. He is now attending Wheaton Bible College in the psychology program and is using his personal experience in overcoming this sorrowful way of life to reach out to those in need. I admire his courage more than I can ever say.
Cathy was born to a missionary family in Ecuador and is deeply involved in short-term missions to that country. She is a nurse and teaches at an area hospital, as well as works in that profession. She has been a great example to me of what I'd like to be as a nurse. She is one of the dearest and sweetest people I know. Both she and Bruce had reached a point in their lives where they were convinced they weren't ever going to marry, 'coz they were in their thirties without any hint of meeting and falling in love with another believer. Yet, God in His infinite wisdom, brought them together just as they'd both reached this conclusion and both were content with it. (Who says our Lord doesn't have a sense of humor?)
They were (and are) two of my dearest friends both before and since their marriage and each has shown me exquisite kindness (really, I'm convinced, the kindness of God's own heart) during times when I was lost, alone and afraid. Cathy gave up her own bed for me to sleep in for several days when I had no-where else to go a few years ago, while Bruce was always there with a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. I am so thankful they have found such happiness! Daily they are an example to me of God's wondrous grace in their joy and faithfulness and at overcoming so much. I praise my Father at choosing to bless them both in so many ways but most especially with this longed for child! Please, keep them in your prayers.
Columbine
Photo of columbine my brother, Dan, took while on a hiking trip in Colorado w/my nephew, Nils.
Jealousy
One of the things I've always wondered about is infertile couples who are jealous of those who have kids. I'm not married (& never have been) but when I was a kid it was my greatest hope to get married in my early twenties & have 8 kids. This dream was shattered, of course, when I was diagnosed with endometriosis @ the age of 19, then had to have a hysterectomy @ 26 due to overwhelming, debilitating pain. For a while, on my doctors' recommendations, I went to a support group called Resolve, for women suffering from endometriosis. I didn't go for very long, however, 'coz it seemed every meeting was spent on talking about how important it was to adopt or have a blond, blue-eyed, perfect, white child. Also, there was so much bitterness expressed, from persons speaking of their anger over friends & relatives "having the child they, themselves, couldn't" to expressions of frustration & rage that these infertile couples could only easily adopt minority children. I kept coming away from the meetings thinking of all those beautiful kids of all races (including special needs) who needed parents and how I'd give my right arm to care for one as my own. Perhaps this feeling came from having cared for so many unwanted & battered children as a pediatric ICU nurse, but I believe it comes from a strong sense of empathy that God has gifted me with (although sometimes it feels like a curse 'coz no-one wants to feel other's pain so readily).
I felt intense sorrow for these infertile couples, because how sad it is to be infertile when one longs for a child of one's own, but mostly I sorrowed over their anger & bitterness. (AND I WANT TO HASTEN TO ADD, ALL INFERTILE COUPLES AREN'T THIS WAY, OBVIOUSLY. Some are happy with the kids God has given them via adoption, etc.) I have never felt jealous of my family & friends' children, but it does cause me to reflect on what might have been. I'd also find myself weeping whole-heartedly whenever I used to see shows with people experiencing birth, etc. A pain-specialist I went to see a few years ago told me the pain of endometriosis is similar to labor. I couldn't help thinking of the irony it is that I should experience this outrageous pain similar to that which God has promised women salvation through, yet I couldn't have the joy of having a child!
Rather then be embittered by it, though, I am thankful for the grace of God that has allowed me to work with kids who've been battered, abused, neglected & thrown away by the world @ large. I can't help feeling how gracious it is of Him to allow me to have a family in that sense. These kids are worthy of being loved just for being kids & gifts from God, & He gave me the opportunity to love them, if only for a short time.
I want to make clear I am not better than anyone else because I don't feel jealous of those who are able to have kids. It's just the Lord has made me different from others. In some ways, I think it is normal to be jealous & angry about infertility, & I know I felt my fair share of anger over having to experience severe pain for so long (& having doctors disbelieve me for much of the time I was in agony). But it is worth it all if I can understand how God is helping me to grow through it all. Again, I don't believe He caused me to suffer in the ways I have, but He has allowed it to happen. If I can be lead to work out my salvation in a deeply personal way through my relationship with Christ, & the knowledge of His intense & personal love for me, then it is worth anything Satan can throw @ me. I can say, as Job does in Job 13:15 "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him."
I felt intense sorrow for these infertile couples, because how sad it is to be infertile when one longs for a child of one's own, but mostly I sorrowed over their anger & bitterness. (AND I WANT TO HASTEN TO ADD, ALL INFERTILE COUPLES AREN'T THIS WAY, OBVIOUSLY. Some are happy with the kids God has given them via adoption, etc.) I have never felt jealous of my family & friends' children, but it does cause me to reflect on what might have been. I'd also find myself weeping whole-heartedly whenever I used to see shows with people experiencing birth, etc. A pain-specialist I went to see a few years ago told me the pain of endometriosis is similar to labor. I couldn't help thinking of the irony it is that I should experience this outrageous pain similar to that which God has promised women salvation through, yet I couldn't have the joy of having a child!
Rather then be embittered by it, though, I am thankful for the grace of God that has allowed me to work with kids who've been battered, abused, neglected & thrown away by the world @ large. I can't help feeling how gracious it is of Him to allow me to have a family in that sense. These kids are worthy of being loved just for being kids & gifts from God, & He gave me the opportunity to love them, if only for a short time.
I want to make clear I am not better than anyone else because I don't feel jealous of those who are able to have kids. It's just the Lord has made me different from others. In some ways, I think it is normal to be jealous & angry about infertility, & I know I felt my fair share of anger over having to experience severe pain for so long (& having doctors disbelieve me for much of the time I was in agony). But it is worth it all if I can understand how God is helping me to grow through it all. Again, I don't believe He caused me to suffer in the ways I have, but He has allowed it to happen. If I can be lead to work out my salvation in a deeply personal way through my relationship with Christ, & the knowledge of His intense & personal love for me, then it is worth anything Satan can throw @ me. I can say, as Job does in Job 13:15 "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him."
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Back to work
Am due to go back to work tomorrow morning after having a frightening car wreck on Friday evening. Thankfully, because of a car shortage (the car I was using, technically my brother's car, is not drivable & most probably was totaled) I'll be driven to & from work tomorrow by family members. In some ways it's a little irritating 'coz it means I have to stay at work for an hour or so longer than I'd normally do (at 4pm) so my brother can come get me once he gets off work (at 5pm). In other ways, 'tho, it's a blessing 'coz I still feel really afraid about driving.
I'll try to post pictures of the car at some point in the near future. One of the things I'm struggling with is nightmares since the accident, as well as a pattern of thought which keeps reflecting on what would have happened if I'd been on the interstate going 70-80mph. I know I need to focus on how God kept me safe through this trauma, but I guess I'm being somewhat faithless and allowing fears to build up inside me. I know Satan gets the victory if I'm not able to overcome these fears, so am praying desperately for strength & grace to get through these coming days. As the Word says, "For God has not given us a spirit of cowardice, but of power, and of love, and of wise discretion." 2Tim 1:7 (Darby version)
One of the things I find interesting about my "terrible" day on Friday was I left the house that morning feeling a deep sense of loss because I'd meant to read the scriptures as a sort of quiet time prior to going into work. I got busy, tho', so I didn't take the necessary time to do this. I don't think I've ever felt such a strong need for seeking refuge in God's word as I did that morning, yet because I was running late, I chose not to do what my soul was crying out for. I remember thinking, as I was listening to 89.3 (a local Christian station which uses the Moody format), that since I was making a point of listening to Max MacLain read a passage from Revelation in the car on the way to work, perhaps this could count as my 'quiet time'.
Please don't get me wrong. I don't believe I had such a bad day 'coz I didn't read my Bible (I don't think God is vindictive)! I just believe the Holy Spirit was trying to impress on my heart that this would be a day when I really needed the meat of the Word. This thought kept recurring through every bad thing that happened, each time I banged my arms & hands, burned myself, messed up, etc. Yet God is faithful to save, as scripture says and He kept me from severe injury through His angelic care. I guess I wouldn't have had so much fear after the accident if I'd had the comfort of reading the Bible (the ultimate "Comfort Food for the soul").
However, I can still say, with my whole heart, "Praise God from Whom all blessings flow."
I'll try to post pictures of the car at some point in the near future. One of the things I'm struggling with is nightmares since the accident, as well as a pattern of thought which keeps reflecting on what would have happened if I'd been on the interstate going 70-80mph. I know I need to focus on how God kept me safe through this trauma, but I guess I'm being somewhat faithless and allowing fears to build up inside me. I know Satan gets the victory if I'm not able to overcome these fears, so am praying desperately for strength & grace to get through these coming days. As the Word says, "For God has not given us a spirit of cowardice, but of power, and of love, and of wise discretion." 2Tim 1:7 (Darby version)
One of the things I find interesting about my "terrible" day on Friday was I left the house that morning feeling a deep sense of loss because I'd meant to read the scriptures as a sort of quiet time prior to going into work. I got busy, tho', so I didn't take the necessary time to do this. I don't think I've ever felt such a strong need for seeking refuge in God's word as I did that morning, yet because I was running late, I chose not to do what my soul was crying out for. I remember thinking, as I was listening to 89.3 (a local Christian station which uses the Moody format), that since I was making a point of listening to Max MacLain read a passage from Revelation in the car on the way to work, perhaps this could count as my 'quiet time'.
Please don't get me wrong. I don't believe I had such a bad day 'coz I didn't read my Bible (I don't think God is vindictive)! I just believe the Holy Spirit was trying to impress on my heart that this would be a day when I really needed the meat of the Word. This thought kept recurring through every bad thing that happened, each time I banged my arms & hands, burned myself, messed up, etc. Yet God is faithful to save, as scripture says and He kept me from severe injury through His angelic care. I guess I wouldn't have had so much fear after the accident if I'd had the comfort of reading the Bible (the ultimate "Comfort Food for the soul").
However, I can still say, with my whole heart, "Praise God from Whom all blessings flow."
Friday, July 16, 2004
Angels watching over me!
I had a really terrible day today to put it mildly. Burned my arm on an espresso wand (I am working as a barista in a coffee-bar/cafe') then ruined a drink for the same customer & burned her sandwich, too. I also messed up several drinks that ended up having to be thrown away. It got so bad my co-workers began teasing me, saying, "Don't buy any lottery tickets tonight, Debbie" & "You'd better just go home & thrown the covers over your head & avoid the rest of this day"! I left work but as I was driving home, I realized I'd left something back @ work, so I had to turn around & go back into work. By this time, I was pretty angry & frustrated to put it mildly!
Well, all of this was nothing compared to what happened next. As I was leaving work for the second time, just before the turn-off to the exit for I-57, I heard a loud bang & I suddenly couldn't steer my car! The car was jerked sharply to the right & I was headed right @ a guard-rail, going 50mph. All I could do was try to brake & turn the wheel as hard as I could so I wouldn't go head-on thru the guard-rail onto the interstate below. The car very gradually (it seemed agonizingly slow but faster then I could think, all @ the same time) turned slightly so I ended up scraping along the side of the guard-rail instead of going thru it.
When I got out of the car I found my right front tire was standing perpendicular to the car & the axel or tie-rod (I'm not sure which) was broken. I tried to flag down some cars going by but nobody would stop. I began to get panicky 'coz I don't have a car phone, but finally a nice young guy pulled over. He loaned me his phone to call the police & to call my brother, Jeff, to come help me. We waited for almost an hour and a half altogether before the police came (Jeff came after about 25 minutes).
I just want to say, first of all, how thankful I am no-one was hurt since there could have easily been a car in the lane next to me). I have a few aches & pains (bruising from the suitbelt on my chest & @ my waist & some pain in my shoulders & neck from whiplash) but am essentially physically fine. As we were driving home, tho, I began to get more & more shaky...in shock. All I could think about was how, by God's grace, I & other drivers were protected. I should have been half-way home going 70-75mph on the interstate, yet because of having to go back to work (what a wonderful sense of humor our Lord has), I was only going 50-55mph on an entrance road. I can't imagine what would have happened (well, I can but am trying not to) if this had occurred on the interstate. I was thrown into full blown panic when another driver swerved in front of my brother on the drive home (after the accident) & he had to slam on the brakes. I've spent most of the time since trembling & teary. Please pray for me 'coz I'm due back @ work in the next day or so & am feeling so terrified I'm uncertain if I can drive.
I guess I want to simply say most people would think this has been a day from the hot place. However, I KNOW with my whole heart, God's angelic care was over me & others today. How can I be anything other than intensely grateful? I think this is one clear example as to why we as Christians shouldn't believe in luck, don't you?
Well, all of this was nothing compared to what happened next. As I was leaving work for the second time, just before the turn-off to the exit for I-57, I heard a loud bang & I suddenly couldn't steer my car! The car was jerked sharply to the right & I was headed right @ a guard-rail, going 50mph. All I could do was try to brake & turn the wheel as hard as I could so I wouldn't go head-on thru the guard-rail onto the interstate below. The car very gradually (it seemed agonizingly slow but faster then I could think, all @ the same time) turned slightly so I ended up scraping along the side of the guard-rail instead of going thru it.
When I got out of the car I found my right front tire was standing perpendicular to the car & the axel or tie-rod (I'm not sure which) was broken. I tried to flag down some cars going by but nobody would stop. I began to get panicky 'coz I don't have a car phone, but finally a nice young guy pulled over. He loaned me his phone to call the police & to call my brother, Jeff, to come help me. We waited for almost an hour and a half altogether before the police came (Jeff came after about 25 minutes).
I just want to say, first of all, how thankful I am no-one was hurt since there could have easily been a car in the lane next to me). I have a few aches & pains (bruising from the suitbelt on my chest & @ my waist & some pain in my shoulders & neck from whiplash) but am essentially physically fine. As we were driving home, tho, I began to get more & more shaky...in shock. All I could think about was how, by God's grace, I & other drivers were protected. I should have been half-way home going 70-75mph on the interstate, yet because of having to go back to work (what a wonderful sense of humor our Lord has), I was only going 50-55mph on an entrance road. I can't imagine what would have happened (well, I can but am trying not to) if this had occurred on the interstate. I was thrown into full blown panic when another driver swerved in front of my brother on the drive home (after the accident) & he had to slam on the brakes. I've spent most of the time since trembling & teary. Please pray for me 'coz I'm due back @ work in the next day or so & am feeling so terrified I'm uncertain if I can drive.
I guess I want to simply say most people would think this has been a day from the hot place. However, I KNOW with my whole heart, God's angelic care was over me & others today. How can I be anything other than intensely grateful? I think this is one clear example as to why we as Christians shouldn't believe in luck, don't you?
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Psalm 73: 21-38
Was reading this psalm the other morning before work & was especially impressed by verses 21-22 which says, "When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you." I was reminded of how many times in my past I've been angry and bitter towards God and towards family. I never realized it during this time of hurt and pain, but I was like a beast or an animal in a trap. My sole focus was on how I could get out of the situation and instead of looking towards Christ and having my focus there, my focus was on myself. I find this is when I am most beast-like because I could only feel the pain and could not see the beauty of what God was doing in allowing me to go through the suffering.
I have found, though, if I am able to look beyond the pain and suffering, I am able to feel the presence of the Father. One extreme example of this was when I was 26yo and going through a total abdominal hysterectomy (i.e., was having my uterus & overies removed because of outrageously severe endometriosis). While I was physically on the operating table, I was under a spinal anesthesia but otherwise fully concious and aware of what was happening. I suddenly felt a tug of pain on my left abdomen which quickly escalated to the most gut-wrenching agony. The anesthesia had worn off of one side of the incision so I was feeling everything the surgeons were doing. I begged them to please stop until the anesthesiologist could get the spinal working again, but I was hemorrhaging so they couldn't stop & rather then scare me with the truth they just didn't reply to my screams. I couldn't do anything 'coz my arms were tied down, so I had to cry out to God. In that moment, I felt the Father's arms around me. It was as if they were physically there. In some ways it was one of the most precious moments of my life and I'd give anything to feel those precious arms again. I've found, though, this only happens during times of deep distress on my part, & when I'm able to look beyond the pain to God.
Psalm 73 finishes with the verses "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my protion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." I am filled with adoration to my Lord and Saviour for His love & kindness to me all the days of my life. I am so grateful that I can say, with the psalmist, "Whom have I in heaven but you", Jesus?
I have found, though, if I am able to look beyond the pain and suffering, I am able to feel the presence of the Father. One extreme example of this was when I was 26yo and going through a total abdominal hysterectomy (i.e., was having my uterus & overies removed because of outrageously severe endometriosis). While I was physically on the operating table, I was under a spinal anesthesia but otherwise fully concious and aware of what was happening. I suddenly felt a tug of pain on my left abdomen which quickly escalated to the most gut-wrenching agony. The anesthesia had worn off of one side of the incision so I was feeling everything the surgeons were doing. I begged them to please stop until the anesthesiologist could get the spinal working again, but I was hemorrhaging so they couldn't stop & rather then scare me with the truth they just didn't reply to my screams. I couldn't do anything 'coz my arms were tied down, so I had to cry out to God. In that moment, I felt the Father's arms around me. It was as if they were physically there. In some ways it was one of the most precious moments of my life and I'd give anything to feel those precious arms again. I've found, though, this only happens during times of deep distress on my part, & when I'm able to look beyond the pain to God.
Psalm 73 finishes with the verses "Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my protion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." I am filled with adoration to my Lord and Saviour for His love & kindness to me all the days of my life. I am so grateful that I can say, with the psalmist, "Whom have I in heaven but you", Jesus?
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
Favorite quotes
Just wanted to share some favorite quotes of mine. One of my favorite authors is Frederick Buechner (pronounced "beekner") & he writes, "The best moments of any of us as human beings are those moments when for a little while it is possible to escape the squirrel-cage of being me into the landscape of being us." I love this quote as it is as good an explanation as any as to why I am blogging.
Other quotes from him,
"As much as it is our hope, it is our hopelessness that brings us to church of a Sunday, and any preacher who, whatever else he speaks, does not speak of that hopelessness might as well save his breath." (He is known for his long, convoluted sentences. I love his courage in not being completely grammatically correct.) Buechner
(This is one of my all time favorites...) "One of the blunders religious people are particularly fond of making is the attempt to be more spiritual than God." Buechner
"And the only solution to this (why the wicked seem to prosper) would be that the meaning of earthly existence lies not, as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but...in the development of the soul. From that point of view our torturers have been punished most horribly of all: they are turning into swine, they are departing downward from humanity. From that point of view punishment is inflicted on those whose development...holds out hope." Alexander Sozhenitsyn (What a great way of understanding the verse, "Whom the Father loves, He chastens"!)
He could speak from experience having lived many years in the gulags of the Soviet Union because of his faith in Christ. I admire his spirit as an overcomer, having experienced torture yet being able to feel pity for those torturing him. One of the reasons why I think this is such a great quote is that it really blows holes in the idea of the "blessing gospel" which is so prevalent in the US today-->(that if we live rightly as Christians, God will bless us. This in turn implies the opposite is true...If we are going through trials and tribulations, we must have sinned which is not only painful but is most times completely untrue). Solzhenitsyn is extremely interesting to read from this perspective.
Here are some other favorite quotes,
"Men rush toward complexity; but they yearn for simplicity." GK Chesterton
"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." GK Chesterton
On that same note, a quote from another favorite, CS Lewis,
"When you are behaving as if you love someone, you will presently come to love him." CS Lewis
Also, he writes, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." CS Lewis
I love this quote mainly because I've experienced significant pain and suffering in the 38 years I've been on this earth. It comforts me to know that God is speaking to me through this and I am thankful for the grace and empathy He's brought out in me so that through my pain I can care for others more effectively, both as a nurse and a human being.
I have several other quotes that are dear to me but will save them for another time, with two exceptions. The following quotes are from the late Rich Mullins, a singer/song-writer, thealogian, mystic, sinner and most of all a lover of Christ. These quotes are something I hold onto desperately because it is what we should know if we are to call ourselves Christian.
"I think you can profess the Apostles' Creed until Jesus returns, but if you don't love somebody, you never were a Christian." Rich Mullins
"The Bible...is not the pretty little anecdotes mouthed by pious little church mice--it does not so much nibble at our shoe leather as it cuts to the heart and splits the marrow from the bone. It does not give us answers fitted to our small-minded questions, but truth that goes beyond what we ever know to ask." Rich Mullins
I know, for me, these quotes cause me to think and reflect on my personal walk with the Lord Jesus. I long to know even a little of what these men knew out of their longing to know Christ more deeply...
May these quotes encourage you in your walk with Christ and may you seek to read more of their ministry. Most of all I desire that you seek out the Word of God that you might be comforted, strengthened and encouraged. I know this is something I need to do on a continuing basis for my own help...
Other quotes from him,
"As much as it is our hope, it is our hopelessness that brings us to church of a Sunday, and any preacher who, whatever else he speaks, does not speak of that hopelessness might as well save his breath." (He is known for his long, convoluted sentences. I love his courage in not being completely grammatically correct.) Buechner
(This is one of my all time favorites...) "One of the blunders religious people are particularly fond of making is the attempt to be more spiritual than God." Buechner
"And the only solution to this (why the wicked seem to prosper) would be that the meaning of earthly existence lies not, as we have grown used to thinking, in prospering, but...in the development of the soul. From that point of view our torturers have been punished most horribly of all: they are turning into swine, they are departing downward from humanity. From that point of view punishment is inflicted on those whose development...holds out hope." Alexander Sozhenitsyn (What a great way of understanding the verse, "Whom the Father loves, He chastens"!)
He could speak from experience having lived many years in the gulags of the Soviet Union because of his faith in Christ. I admire his spirit as an overcomer, having experienced torture yet being able to feel pity for those torturing him. One of the reasons why I think this is such a great quote is that it really blows holes in the idea of the "blessing gospel" which is so prevalent in the US today-->(that if we live rightly as Christians, God will bless us. This in turn implies the opposite is true...If we are going through trials and tribulations, we must have sinned which is not only painful but is most times completely untrue). Solzhenitsyn is extremely interesting to read from this perspective.
Here are some other favorite quotes,
"Men rush toward complexity; but they yearn for simplicity." GK Chesterton
"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost." GK Chesterton
On that same note, a quote from another favorite, CS Lewis,
"When you are behaving as if you love someone, you will presently come to love him." CS Lewis
Also, he writes, "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts to us in our pain; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." CS Lewis
I love this quote mainly because I've experienced significant pain and suffering in the 38 years I've been on this earth. It comforts me to know that God is speaking to me through this and I am thankful for the grace and empathy He's brought out in me so that through my pain I can care for others more effectively, both as a nurse and a human being.
I have several other quotes that are dear to me but will save them for another time, with two exceptions. The following quotes are from the late Rich Mullins, a singer/song-writer, thealogian, mystic, sinner and most of all a lover of Christ. These quotes are something I hold onto desperately because it is what we should know if we are to call ourselves Christian.
"I think you can profess the Apostles' Creed until Jesus returns, but if you don't love somebody, you never were a Christian." Rich Mullins
"The Bible...is not the pretty little anecdotes mouthed by pious little church mice--it does not so much nibble at our shoe leather as it cuts to the heart and splits the marrow from the bone. It does not give us answers fitted to our small-minded questions, but truth that goes beyond what we ever know to ask." Rich Mullins
I know, for me, these quotes cause me to think and reflect on my personal walk with the Lord Jesus. I long to know even a little of what these men knew out of their longing to know Christ more deeply...
May these quotes encourage you in your walk with Christ and may you seek to read more of their ministry. Most of all I desire that you seek out the Word of God that you might be comforted, strengthened and encouraged. I know this is something I need to do on a continuing basis for my own help...
Sunday, July 11, 2004
Lord's Day
Sorry for not writing in this blog for so long. I began to think I was writing for an audience of one (myself) so I lost any desire to write. I guess I'm like anyone else, I want to be heard. I've realized, however, I can write this as a diary and express whatever hopes & dreams I have in a positive way. So here goes...
Well, it's Lord's Day again and here I am not at church, as usual. I feel such a longing to be with other believers and know this is what Christ has called us to do, to be in fellowship with others, but I can't seem to get over the panic I feel every time I try to get ready to go to church. I know this is an attack of Satan's and he's getting the victory over my faith when I allow the panic to take control, but I can't seem to overcome it. If I were just meeting with family members it would be ok, I think, but having to interact with several persons who go to my family's gathering & who aren't family is when I feel this panic. I'm just really terrible at interacting with people I don't know well.
I also am having difficulties because I disagree, doctrinally, with the fellowship my family goes to, yet I have had a sense in the recent past this is where God wants me to be. It's a struggle to know what to do. I know what I need to do is to pray and read the scriptures and God will clarify this for me, but it's hard to overcome my natural mind which uses any excuse to not do these two important things. Anyway, any Christians who are reading this, I would value your prayers that all these fears can be overcome by the grace of God.
I will try to do a better job of writing consistently in this space. Tomorrow I'll tell about my nieces and nephews and some friends of theirs who are coming over tonight to do oral reports about different Mediterranean countries. We'll also be having a dinner in which each of the kids are assigned a country & are making a dish from that place. I can't wait to see what they have to say!
Well, it's Lord's Day again and here I am not at church, as usual. I feel such a longing to be with other believers and know this is what Christ has called us to do, to be in fellowship with others, but I can't seem to get over the panic I feel every time I try to get ready to go to church. I know this is an attack of Satan's and he's getting the victory over my faith when I allow the panic to take control, but I can't seem to overcome it. If I were just meeting with family members it would be ok, I think, but having to interact with several persons who go to my family's gathering & who aren't family is when I feel this panic. I'm just really terrible at interacting with people I don't know well.
I also am having difficulties because I disagree, doctrinally, with the fellowship my family goes to, yet I have had a sense in the recent past this is where God wants me to be. It's a struggle to know what to do. I know what I need to do is to pray and read the scriptures and God will clarify this for me, but it's hard to overcome my natural mind which uses any excuse to not do these two important things. Anyway, any Christians who are reading this, I would value your prayers that all these fears can be overcome by the grace of God.
I will try to do a better job of writing consistently in this space. Tomorrow I'll tell about my nieces and nephews and some friends of theirs who are coming over tonight to do oral reports about different Mediterranean countries. We'll also be having a dinner in which each of the kids are assigned a country & are making a dish from that place. I can't wait to see what they have to say!
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