Monday, August 16, 2004


One of the things I've found interesting about blogging is how much I care about whether people read what I write or not! I’m not sure why this is; maybe a desire for immortality or just to be heard? Who knows? It does get dreadfully lonely sometimes when I write for days on end & never get feedback. This is especially difficult when I know how many family members & friends are reading it. But then I began to think “Maybe I’ve bored them to such an extreme they can no longer tolerate reading it!” What is especially bothersome to me is, WHY do I let it worry me? Why can’t I find contentment in writing for writing's sake? After all, one of the reasons I started blogging was to journal on-line & I certainly don’t go around reading my journal out loud to family & friends!

In some ways, I’m ashamed by these feelings; the longing to have people read what I’ve written from my heart. I’m afraid that if I were truly writing from my heart, without the intention of impressing others, then I wouldn’t care if anyone read my postings. I can't help thinking, what if my desire for an audience comes out of an unspoken yearning to awe people with my depth, spirituality, goodness, wisdom, thoughtfulness, etc., etc. (The very thought of this makes me blush!)

Originally, when I thought of writing on-line, as well as being able to honestly journal my thoughts & fears, I ached to be able to reach out to others with the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, through relating my own experiences, those which brought me into deeper relationship with Him. To tell the Truth, by the power of the Holy Spirit within me! I yearned to boast only in the Cross of Christ, our Lord (as the wonderful old hymn says). This ache is unchanged & my prayer continues to be that persons will read the words in this blog, realize the “God-shaped hole” which is inside of them, come to an understanding of their need for the Saviour and seek out those who can help them come to the Lord.

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