One Big Happy-My all-time favorite cartoon

I really love this cartoon. It takes the saying “Kids say the darnedest things” to a new and funnier level. I like it, too, because the kids have such a lovely relationship with their grandparents. It’s not afraid to address more serious subjects, as well, such as 9/11/01. Anyway, thought I’d share some of my favorites.

Beautiful Scandalous Night

Another achingly beautiful song I love is this hymn. The juxtaposition of beauty and scandal is haunting and yet so heartrendingly true of our Lord Jesus' last night in Gethsemane and on His walk up that "Holy Mountain" to the cross. His Body became the “wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree” and out of His side flowed the fountain “For you and for me and for all”. By the glorious river that flowed from His side “our spirits (are) restored” and we are “forever washed white”.

Beautiful, Scandalous Night
by Smalltown Poets

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

Follow Christ to the holy mountain
Sinner sorry and wrecked by the fall
Cleanse your heart and your soul
In the fountain that flowed
For you and for me and for all

CHORUS:
At the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
On that beautiful, scandalous night you and me
Were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
On that beautiful, scandalous night

On the hillside, you will be delivered
At the foot of the cross justified
And your spirit restored
By the river that poured
From our blessed Savior's side

CHORUS

Go on up to the mountain of mercy
To the crimson perpetual tide
Kneel down on the shore
Be thirsty no more
Go under and be purified

CHORUS

Blessed Be

I was listening to the radio a few days ago and heard a lovely song called, "Blessed Be" by Jason Gray. (I was listening to WBGL 91.7, Champaign, IL) The lyrics really cried out to me, especially with the current uncertainty and additional pain I've recently been going thru. Not only are the lyrics beautiful (the song is based on "the Beatitudes") but the tune is wonderful, too. Here are the lyrics:

Blessed Be
Jason Gray
All the Lovely Losers

Losers
All the lovely losers
Never thought you’d hear your name
Outside
Always on the outside
Empty at the wishing well
But time will tell

Chorus:
Blessed Be
The ones who know that they are weak
They shall see
The Kingdom come to the broken ones
Blessed be

Thirsty
Like you’re drinking from a salt sea
But one day you’ll be satisfied
Hungry
For the taste of mercy
Aching just to have your fill
One day you will

Chorus:
Not for the strong, the beautiful, the brave
Not for the ones who think they’ve got it made
It’s for the poor, the broken and the meek
It’s for the ones who look a lot like you and me

Chorus: (2x’s)

Blessed Be
Losers
All the lovely losers

Longings

I long to be a normal happy and productive Auntie who can spend all the time she and they want with her nieces and nephews and great-nephew. Yet pain is exhausting and I can’t seem to ever find the energy to do much more than get out of bed on most days. I miss the children; I long to be a part of their lives. I’m angry this stupid illness has destroyed so much of my life. I wish I wasn’t alone; that I had a husband to bear these burdens with, but God know this and perhaps some day it will happen for the right reasons and not just to give me someone to share my load.

I promise someday (soon, I hope) I will begin writing frequently of good and happy things, like my Great-Nephews baptism occurring today at 2pm. He’s such a lovely little boy and I find myself wanting so much to hold him now while he’s small coz if he grows much bigger I will no longer be able to hold him while I’m standing up. I remember with nephews and nieces walking with them and jiggling them as I walked would often times comfort them more than anything.

When Nils was 25 months old; we were grieving about the possible loss of his newborn sister Britta who was dangerously ill with RSV. I was called home from work one day to find my family devastated at the news that Britta’s chances at life were 50% or less. Mother was especially distressed having lost a child. Nils was sprawled out on the floor screaming with his mom’s purse in his hands, calling over and over, “Mutti, Mutti!” He'd not allowed anyone to pick him up to comfort him. It was a bit of a shock to see him so distraught since he’d been so good each of the previous four or five days his parents had gone up to the hospital and left him at Grandma’s. Mother said he’d caught sight of Petra’s (his mom’s) purse (she’d left it behind that day) and it just set him off. I picked him up and took him outside and walked down the road with him (jiggling him up and down) and he fell asleep immediately with one hand hanging onto Mutti’s purse and the other latched onto my shirt-collar; holding on for dear life, his dear life! Blessedly, within 24 hours we had the news Britta had made a miraculous turn around. It is her little one, my first great-nephew, whose baptism our family is celebrating today!

I miss, with an agony I can’t describe, being an important part of in the kids’ lives, even the older, married ones. It hurts me with a heart pain the younger children may never have the relationship the older kids did with their Auntie Debbie all because of a disease which has taken up so much of my life, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I feel so guilty about this, as if I’d only tried harder I wouldn’t be as ill as I’ve been and I would be a part of my family’s life again. I know the Lord Jesus, as the Great Physician, can heal this part of my life as with all other parts, yet it’s hard not to grieve over what is already lost.

Count it all joy...

“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” 1James 1:2-4 ESV

I’m struggling with “counting it all joy” these days, if I’m honest. I have once again been hospitalized for three days, weekend before last. It was the usual scenario where my family and I struggled to get the staff to realize something is truly wrong. I was in the kind of terrible pain I'd only experienced before when my ureter (the tube connecting the kidney to the bladder) was obstructed from endometriosis. And, belief me, it's a pain you never forget; the same as a kidney stone! The ER docs were kind, but a Turkish "hospitalist" came in to admit me to the hospital and his first words were, "There is no reason for your pain. In fact you should not be on any narcotics at all. I will take you off all of them and put you on Toradol (a drug similar in action to Advil, an anti-inflammatory given IV)”. Some of the medications he spoke of discontinuing were ones I’d been on for ten years because of severe chronic pain over my right kidney!

I very quickly told him I did not want him as my doctor. I told him despite multiple abnormalities which had been seen on two CT scans, he had come into my room already having decided there was nothing wrong with me. Mother went into "mother-mode" and said to this doctor, "Look, we've been dealing with Debbie's pain for twenty years now and almost every single time she’s come into the hospital you doctors disbelieve in her symptoms. Over and over we've gone through this and every single time Debbie has been shown to be seriously ill, usually with recurring endometriosis. We trust in what Debbie is saying." I was so touched by her fighting for me like that; it made me very proud to have her as my mom.

Thankfully, the pain resolved to a bearable level within about 48 hours. I was able to go home by late afternoon on Monday. Not before, however, a Doctor of Osteopath (whose bedside manner is blatantly spelled out in his name, which begins with Rud (pronounced rude)) had decided this earth-shattering pain I'd been suffering through was nothing more than a "spasm in my psoas muscle". Amazingly enough, this DO made the “psoas spasm” diagnosis despite two CT scans, an MRI and an Ultrasound showing the left kidney was hydronephrotic (which means it was bigger than it should be, as though something had been keeping the urine from empting from the kidney into the bladder. It also showed a narrowing of the ureter with dilatation above the narrowing, which would happen if there had been something pinching off the flow of the ureter, at least temporarily. Since this was exactly what had happened when my left ureter was obstructed by endometriosis ten and a half years ago, I wasn't surprised the pain was similar! They also found a mass on my right kidney. This they were concerned about and I was told to follow up with a specialist in a week or two.

I am praying hard, especially for peace about this, and doing my best to give these many worries over to my Loving Heavenly Father. I know all of this is in His tender care, but I find it hard to not be scared sometimes. When the pain starts heating up again and I’m trying hard not cry and praying hard for help to get through the worst of it, I can’t seem to stop this cycle of worries. I worry that local doctors won’t have the expertise to treat this (if it is endometriosis) because there are only ten cases of endometriosis of the kidney found world-wide in medical journals. Also, I hate the idea of having more surgery after having approximately twelve surgeries in the last twenty years. Please understand me; I don’t think I’m being faithless. I believe God deeply and intimately loves me and has only good in store for me. It’s just I’m so tired of having this awful pain day in and day out, and when the really agonizing pain occurs, I can hardly bear it.

All I can do is hold steadfast to the Truth of scripture exemplified by this verse, “Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” 1James 1:12 ESV Holding onto the Truth is never a bad thing.